As I sit here thinking and typing I am finding the words to share. This topic is something that is very hard for me still but I know that I need to share because even if it helps just one person I know that this is what God wants me to do at this time. We all go through trials in our life and we all deal with them in different ways. Sometimes when a trial has passed in one sense it has only begun in another. Tonight I am going to share my ongoing trial. It is one that is not always present for me throughout the year but that comes around once a year and I still struggle. I think often times that the world we live in today views struggles as those we can see but so many struggle and they are not noticeable.
Six years ago today I had gone to the hospital to what I thought would have been a normal delivery of my twin girls that turned into my living nightmare. It truly is an experience that has changed me forever. I will not go into any major details as I wrote a previous blog post regarding their birth but I still remember it like it happened yesterday. I praise God for our bundles of joy. Yesterday my girls had an early birthday celebration instead of just our normal family Sunday dinner with my husband's parents and sisters at their home. We had a great time and our girls were glowing the rest of the evening just as any child who knows it is for their special day. It truly is a great feeling isn't it?
As happy as I was, I did not think that for yet another year something would be triggered that would cause me to feel all of the emotions that I felt for the past five years in a row. I had gone to sleep last night to only toss and turn literally the entire night and be awaken from nightmares that were vivid flashbacks from when they were born and taken to the NICU. All of the tears came rushing like they always do. Being able to talk to my husband helps but although I know that they are thriving well it still is just something that I know I will deal with for years to come around this time.
Their birthday is tomorrow and we had another family fun evening which I enjoyed seeing their bright smiles and their brother's as well. Yes, I feel sadness among many other emotions but there is also the happiness that I feel because our family is doing well. Our children are growing. In the car earlier my husband and I were talking about Kylie and her heart monitor that she had when she was able to come home. Kylie refused to believe that she had a heart monitor even though she has seen pictures of herself with it. You know how that goes. They are pretty hard to miss! Not to mention they were loud too!
So. as I share this and my emotions arise I know that I will make it through another birthday because it also brings me much happiness and joy!
No comments:
Post a Comment